Shoot. Nathan had been doing much better and I'd planned to take him to school this morning but he woke up very much off this morning. He was crying because a particular pair of spider-man underwear that he wanted to wear today are in the wash - had a total fit about it. So much for getting him back on schedule today. I'm hoping that he'll be well enough tomorrow though. He's certainly no longer contagious, it's just a matter of him feeling well enough. The longer he's out of school though, the harder it will be to get him back into his groove. He's totally acting fine now, running around like mad, playing, high-energy, but he's still not himself. Blah. Kate still has a runny nose, but nothing major.

Today we will go to Costco, the bank, the post office and the gas station.

I'm really annoyed that I can't find my marriage certificate, as I need it in order to submit the kids' passports applications. This is annoying on three levels:

1) I hate losing things, it makes me feel disorganized and irrationally fearful that if I've lost item x and am only now realizing it, then perhaps I've also lost items y and z, only I don't even know about them yet because I've yet to discover that they're missing!

2) I get all OCD about finding the item, looking in the same places over and over because goddamnit, it *should* be in that file and even though I've looked in that file 30 times, I'm sure that it will suddenly appear if I look just one more time.

3) And lastly, the certificate I lost is the actual piece of paper that we signed (me, Nick and our best man/bride's maid) during our wedding ceremony, so I'm all sentimental about it.

I've looked everywhere and it's just gone. I'm guessing I must have accidentally shredded it or trashed it during one of my whirlwind purging episodes. I guess I'll order an official copy from the church on Monday and hope that the original turns up in some random place. I keep telling myself that it's just a piece of paper and in the whole scheme of things, it's really not important, so I need to stop tripping on that trip.

Kate had what was supposed to be her final test to check if her VSD has closed but she was all kinds of scuh-REAMING and not wanting the doctor to touch her, so he suggested we wait and test her in another year, when she'll hopefully be more mature and able to lay still without wiggling around - I thought of you, Tine! We all think that her murmur has either closed or is in no way affecting her, as she's VERY high energy, has no signs of heart weakness and her heart murmur is no longer audible. But it will be good to have that confirmed by tests and also make sure that there are no structural issues with her heart. Surprisingly, I am not freaking out about the fact that this test is going to be delayed for another year.

Nathan has been so unbelievably sick these past 5 days. He started with a fever on Sat but was acting normal otherwise. I took him to an after hours clinic on Sundee and he was diagnosed with an ear infection and we were given antibiotics. Monday he was much worse, fever was higher and he was lethargic and pale.

Took him to our regular pediatrician that he has an ear infection and the flu and would be knocked the fuck out for at least 5 days. I have never seen my child this ill and from Sunday to Wednesday, I think I got about 2.5 hours of sleep. By Wednesday he was still complaining of ear pain and Kate was now showing signs of the funk. So, we went back to our Pediatrician who switched Nathan to a different antibiotic and checked Kate's ears, which were clear - thank you jesus! Last night was the first night I've had decent sleep in the past 5 days because Nathan is much improved and was able to rest comfortably. Kate's got a runny nose, but other than that, is her normal crazy self.

Based on how much better Nathan is doing this morning, I'm thinking that he didn't actually have the flu. I think his infection was completely resistant to that first antibiotic so he essentially went 'untreated' from Sat-Wed (other than tylenol for pain), which made his symptoms seem flu-like, but was actually just a raging untreated infection. That kinda makes me feel like a loser mom, but at least he's better now. He's only had one ear infection in the past and Kate's never had one, so I'm totally clueless when it comes to antibiotics. Here's hoping he continues to improve and that Kate stays healthy.

Received the kids' US passports in the mail recently. Now I have to send off Kate's Aussie citizenship paperwork and after we get confirmation that her Aussie status has been granted (Nathan already has his), then I'll send off for their Aussie passports. The first question in the Aussie passport application process is 'Are you an Aussie citizen?', so I can't rightfully process that until the citizenship stuff is squared away.

As mentioned on twitter, the Aussie citizenship process has really become quite complicates in the past 3 years. They now require a photo of the applicant with a 'statement of identity' hand written on the back by a non-relative who has known the person forever and who also works in one of the job fields provided in a big ass list of random jobs. Because, as you know, a state worker is much more reliable than someone who works at Denny's...weird. Anyhow, I'm going to meet up with my girlfriend this weekend for lunch and she'll complete the paperwork necessary, as she's a govt worker and has known Kate since birth.

Cancelled our daily newspaper yesterday. Yes, this was the most exciting thing that happened yesterday, so I'm writing about it. We'll now get the paper on Fri, Sat and Sun only, which is fine.

In other news, I'm going out to lunch with a friend this weekend and I'm super excited about that, as I've not had a break from my little 'opihis in a long time. ('Opihi is the Hawaiian word for limpet which is a gastropod that sticks to rocks and/or coral so tightly that you need a knife to pry them off. Here are some pics.)

I love love love staying at home with them but sometimes, a girl's gotta venture out in public without kid snot all over her shirt, you know what I'm saying?

I'm doing alright in my attempt to lose weight and get healthy. Pound-wise I haven't lost or gained since last week, but I think that's ok considering I was on vacation and we ate out a lot. Walking around so much really helped to balance out the corn dogs and cookies.

Had some horrible luck on our drive down to LA last week. Weather was SHIT and for the first time in forever the Grapevine (mountainous gateway to the LA area) was closed down all fucking day due to snow and ice! Usually, it's closed temporarily while they plow it and then a cop leads some cars through and then they close it down, plow it, and repeat the process. But they shut that fucker down for most of the day so we had to divert through Tehachapi pass which had snow on the ground but was not actually snowing. The roads were clear and the scenery was beautiful and we were able to pull over and have a snowball fight with the kids but between the traffic, detour, it being a holiday weekend and the weather, our normally 8 hour trip took 12 hours. The poor kids did awesome thanks to our portable DVD player and books.

The trip itself was awesome. We took my niece and our kids to Disneyland for a few days and then caught the second to the last stage of the CA Amgen cycling tour at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena and then visited with Nick's family for two days. We're thinking of heading back down there in two more weeks, as that will likely be the last time Nick can take off from work until July.

I have to say that I was a bit more geeked out than I expected to be yesterday while we were watching the Tour of California prologue in downtown Sacramento yesterday. It was awesome to see many big name international riders in town. I am, however, a bit irritated that all of the tour promo spots and ads feature Lance Armstrong and I'm sure it irks the other riders that it's being billed as 'lance's comeback tour'. I know people love him and yes, he's an amazing athlete, but the focus shouldn't only be on him. For example, the front page of today's local paper featured a large photo of lance and HE DIDN'T EVEN WIN THE PROLOGUE! The guy who won was Fabian Cancellara, who coincidentally, almost ran Kate (and me) over as we were walking near the team trailors. I heard security guys yelling behind me and when I turned around, they were jogging along side him as he was cycling his way through the crowd. It was funny, especially considering that he's one of Nick's favorite riders.

I've been eating totally healthfully for one week now and I feel SO GOOD! I feel like I've turned a corner and am really serious about losing weight and getting healthy this time. (I feel stupid saying that because I've said similar things before, but this time it really does feel different.) Gee, perhaps it's the fact that after tomorrow I'll have attended two funeral within 8 days of eachother? Reflecting about how active I used to be compared to the slovenly life I'm leading these days is really depressing and has inspired me to make some changes. (That and those funerals I mentioned.)

I'm not on any 'program', I'm just eating healthfully. I'm not a nutritionist or anything, but I know which foods are good for my body and the crap that isn't. The interesting thing is that I haven't been craving junk food thus far, the whole process has been rather effortless, which is a new concept for me. I weighed myself and have lost 5 lbs but that could be totally random because, as I've mentioned before, my weight can vary by 5 lbs in one day. But my clothes do feel a teeny tiny bit looser, so that's good.

A big thank you to the nimrod who broke our backyard fence latch while forcibly trying to gain access to our yard. First of all, you are stupid because the latch wasn't even locked, you just have to lift up the thingymabobby until it clears the doohickey. Secondly, thank you for making me paranoid about being home alone all week with my kids while deranged fools are wandering around the neighborhood, breaking into people's yards! Like I didn't have enough shit going on this week to have to deal with paranoia on top of everything else! Fuck you!

Well, Nick's Uncle passed away on Friday night. Nick's Dad, sister, Aunt and Uncle Steve's girlfriend were all there with him, so that was really nice. I'm glad he's not suffering any longer. He was in pain towards the end. We leave town on Thursdee to attend the funeral on Friday and stay the rest of the weekend with Nick's family. Having the kids around will surely help to lighten the mood.

In other news, the kids and I are indeed going with Nick to Australia in August. I'm excited but kinda still knee-deep in research concerning car seats and car rentals - whether we should buy a new car seat for Kate that is approved by the Australian gov't so that we might use it for her on the plane + in our car rental (if we rent a car) or should I just use this thing: http://kidsflysafe.com/ and then rent car seats at the airport. Can I add that the 5 different Qantas phone operators that I've spoke to about car seats and just general information have been quite useless, which is hopefully not indicative of the level of service we'll receive on the plane. We flew Air New Zealand years back and they were SO great. But I've read some shady things about Qantas since booking this trip. (Unfortunately, we had to go with qantas in order to get our two free tix.) Oh well! I'm sure it will all be fine.

This post is not about death! Managed to file my taxes tonight and we're getting a nice refund. This is particularly timely, as those wacky annual bills I mentioned last time are due next month. So, yay!

In other totally happy news, Nick is traveling to Australia in August with his Mum, Dad and sister to visit family for a couple of weeks. We were able to use our credit card miles to get him a free ticket. I'm now contemplating using our remaining miles for another free ticket and then buying two tix so that we could all go. Technically, Kate could fly free as a lapchild, as the trip is a week shy of her 2nd bday, but I'll be damned if I have a squirmy-large-for-her-age-almost-two-year-old sitting on my lap for 18 friggin hours! Dang. I'm sure what will happen is that we'll buy her a seat and she'll spend the whole time on my and Nick's lap, but I want the option of strapping her in a seat, darnit! So, we're seriously thinking about doing this but would have to act fast, as there are only a couple more free seats available on the flight which he is already booked on. Will try to decide by tomorrow.

Visited with my Aunt yesterday; she slept the entire visit but looked very peaceful, which I was happy to see. I'm not at all sad about her passing, but I'm sure I'll be emotional at the funeral. She's had a wonderful life. She traveled all over the world and was very close with her brother's family (my Grandpa). She never had kids of her own but really enjoyed watching her nieces/nephews grow up and have kids of their own.

In other less-important-but-very-traumatic news, I almost fainted today when I opened our phone bill (just like those commercials!). We owe $160 for long distance calls to Australia. I expected the bill to be half as much, I should have checked the rates before we called family at xmas time. And to make matters worse, it seems like most of our random annual or semi-annual bills are all due in Feb - van registration, home insurance, flood insurance, and newspaper renewal. So this month will suck for our checking account.

I'm thinking of kicking the daily newspaper to the curb, even though I do enjoy my newspaper time in the morning. I just can't justify spending money on that with the news readily available online. Must decide whether to continue just getting the weekend paper vs. canceling entirely.

Nick just left for an overnight trip to LA to visit his ailing Uncle. We have an LA family road trip planned for Feb 12th but we're not sure that his Uncle is going to make it that long as he's going downhill fast. He had a spot of melanoma a few years back which was removed. But then this August he was diagnosed with brain tumors and a lung tumor. He was a very active 73 year old but is now fairly immobile and doesn't always recognize family members. It's sad but thankfully, over the past two years he and Nick's dad (brothers) have spent lots of time together on the weekends, bike riding, swimming, watching football games and just generally enjoying each other's company. Prior to two years back, Nick's dad worked during the week as a construction supervisor and then ran his own hardware store on the weekends and had absolutely no spare time to spend with family. So thank goodness he got rid of that store and was able to share all of these special moments with his brother.

Well, my Aunt is in her final days. She's on what is called 'comfort care' and is basically being given morphine and no food. She's stopped eating on her own and sleeps most of the time, with very few wakeful periods. During those wakeful periods, she has no clue what is going on.

My Grandma was on comfort care after having a stroke years back and it took her 15 days to pass away once they began this stage of care. 15 days of wasting away slowly instead of just being put out of her misery. That may not sound like a long time, but when you're sitting at someone's bedside for 15 days straight wishing that they'd die, believe me, time stands still.

My Grandma was not conscious but she moaned and fought when the nurses would turn her and/or try to clean out her mouth. The nurses and doctors insisted that these sounds and movements were merely reflexes but I'm not certain I believe that. She sounded like a wounded animal and those sounds that she made during that entire last week of her life will haunt me forever. I'm hoping that my Aunt will pass quicker and not linger so long, mostly because it's the best thing for her to pass quickly but also I don't want my Mom to have to hear my Aunt make the same sounds that her Mom made when she was passing as her body was slowly shutting down.

Nathan woke up only two times last night (early morning, really) and wasn't nearly as cracked out as he was the night before. Still a lot of thrashing about but he calmed down quicker. I think the tylenol with codeine helped because he woke up around 3am and 5am and the meds would have worn off around 2am. I gave him regular tylenol at 3am but the thing that totally calmed him down was putting a band aid across his ear. (Imagine a 'police line do not cross' streamer, taped across a doorway.) He insisted the band aid go across his ear like that and as soon as I put the band aid on, he settled and went back to sleep.

Rough night with the boy last night. He woke up in pain 5 times and was completely inconsolable, saying that his ear hurt. He was thrashing around, wouldn't let me hold him one second and then wouldn't let me go the next. I finally had to swaddle him in a blanket (like an infant) and that calmed him down enough to pass out.

Called the doc today and was told that throat operations can sometimes hit a nerve that makes the kids feel pain in their ear. Yay for extra pain in places that weren't even operated on! On the other hand, it could also be his ear infection returning. Doc is sending over a refill for his tylenol w/codeine that I will administer at night only, in hopes that it will knock the pain out long enough for him to sleep well. He's also taking antibiotics, so hopefully it will help fight the ear infection, if that's the cause. His follow up appt is on Thurs, so we'll at least determine whether it's the phantom menace nerve causing the pain or an ear infection at that time.

Nathan's appointment went well. We waited a long ass time in the waiting room as the doc was at the hospital next door meeting with patients. We finally saw the doc, asked loads of questions, signed consent forms and that was pretty much it.

The surgery is on Thurs but we don't know the exact time yet. They will call us on Wed to tell us a) the surgery time and b) what time to show up at the hospital. Can't they figure this shit out a few days ahead of time? Apparently not. Lots to coordinate between the surgeons, anesthesia, available recovery rooms, etc., I suppose. This is annoying because I'm a control freak and like as much info as possible as early as possible. Luckily, my Mom is available to watch Kate no matter how early or late the surgery is, as Nick will be watching me freak out at the hospital while Nathan has surgery. Nick will then stay with us until they kick him out and I will stay the night with Nathan at the hospital. Provided all is well after surgery, we'll come home on Friday.

Mellow weekend. Saturday I went shopping in the morning and got my hair trimmed. Didn't get my eyebrows done though- maybe next weekend. In the haircut shop waiting area, I was reading a magazine article about Jimmy Kimmel. After the haircut I stuck around to finish the article because I needed closure and because it was a really good article (written a few months back when he and Sarah Silverman were on a break)! I really like Jimmy Kimmel. I only wish his show wasn't on quite so late because I rarely stay up past midnight these days.

Today we went to a model train expo but it was kinda lame-o. Not many layouts set up with trains running, it was mostly just folks trying to hock their brokedown-barnacle-barge train-geek wares. We had fun though and my Dad joined us, so he got some Papa time in with the kids.

Tomorrow is Nathan's pre-op appointment and I've got my list of 562 questions to ask the doctor. The pre op info sheet says to expect the appt to take anywhere from 2-4 hours plus additional time for any labs that might be ordered. So it will be interesting to see how extensive the appointment ends up being. Still haven't told Nathan about the surgery but we'll tell him over breakfast tomorrow. He's a smart boy but he's usually fairly oblivious in doc's offices so I don't know how much he'll actually understand. I'm still feeling ok about the surgery with just a mild undercurrent of anxiety, so we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I sort of had a mini-breakdown a couple of hours ago and it was weird. I was giving Nathan his 500th time out of the morning and Kate was screaming bloody murder and I just felt overwhelmed and stressed the hell out and started tearing up. I didn't even full on cry, I just teared up and then kept taking care of business.

I hardly ever cry in this sort of way, where you just break down right in the middle of trying to do something, so it caught me off guard. I feel fine now. I think it's just the days on end of sicknesses and the kids acting out because they don't feel well and then me waking up this morning feeling a little off again. All of it came to a head this morning. All better now though!

Gotta make chocolate pecan pie, apple cranberry pie and potatoes au gratin today. We'll have xmas morning here, just the four of us, and then we'll head to my sister's along with my parents for dinner. My sister and parents each live about 20 minutes away from us, so that's really nice.